I wandered around the fairground. Looking, looking but not finding. I know he’s here. I saw him not ten minutes ago. Where did he go?
I decide to go up on the ferris wheel. I can search for him when I reach the top. Up, up I go swinging to and fro. All alone, couples on every other car but me. I’m all alone. Up, up I go until I reach the top. I swing my legs and stare out at the sights before my eyes.
The sky is full - full of pinks, reds and purples. I know that it will soon turn to black when the sun finishes slowly sinking. I have to find him now. When it gets too dark I may never find him.
I lean over the bar and look down, way down. I forget for a minute that I’m afraid of heights. There he is I see him over by the bumper cars. I have to get down now. I have to go to him. He is my everything and I can’t live without him. Hurry, hurry let me down please. Now, now I need to get down now!
Where is he going? I’m up here, up here. Don’t you see me? Can’t you hear me? He’s standing under the roller coaster. I keep screaming his name at the top of my lungs. “Tommy, Tommy, here I am. Look can’t you see me?”
He’s not even looking up. Why won’t he look at me? The ferris wheel is moving again. I run, run as fast as my legs will carry me. It’s almost as if I can fly. No one is getting in my way. People seem to ebb and flow with my flight. I hurry, hurry but alas he’s gone. Why won’t he wait? Why doesn’t he stop until I reach him?
Now I have to run, run again. I look everywhere. Where did he go? There he is, no that’s not him. Over there. No not him again. I need to find him. I need to find him soon. He is my all, my everything. I can’t live without him. I have to find him.
I run faster. Faster and faster. I’m running in circles. It is getting so dark. So very, very dark.
There he is. He is so sad. The look on his face makes me want to cry. Why is he sad? What is the matter?
I reach out to envelop him in a hug but my arms just go right through him. “Tommy, Tommy why can’t I touch you? Why can’t I hold you? Hold me, Tommy, please hold me. I need you to touch my face and let me know it’s all okay. I need you to make me warm.”
What is he looking at? Why is he crying? What’s that on the ground? Why is Bill holding Tom up? He’s sobbing. “Tommy, Tommy I’m here. Why won’t you look at me?”
Why can’t he see me? What is wrong? Why can’t I touch his perfect face? Why can’t I kiss his beautiful lips? Why can’t I hold him and tell him its okay? Everything’s going to be okay.
Will it be okay? What is that on the ground? It…it looks like me. How can I be lying on the ground when I’m standing right here? What’s happening?
Everything is fading, fading, fading, fading. Darkness is covering my face like a shroud. He is starting to fade from my eyes. Why? Why can’t I bring a smile to that striking profile. What is happening? Why can’t I see?
It’s so dark and so cold. Please can you get me a blanket? I’m so very cold. Ah, I think I’ll sleep now. I feel like I could sleep the sleep of the dead. “Tommy, Tommy, I love you.” He is sobbing uncontrollably now and I can’t help him. “Oh, Tommy, I’ll be back, I’ll be back.”
“Why Bill, why? It shouldn’t have happened. I wasn’t holding on tight enough. I couldn’t stop her from falling.”
“Tom, it’s not your fault. There was a malfunction and she was ejected. Not your fault, not your fault.”
Their voices are drifting away from my consciousness. I am getting warmer and all fuzzy. Almost like I’m drunk. I think I’ll just drift off for awhile. “Tommy, Tommy wait for me. I’ll be back.”
But I’ll never be back, I realize. I will never be able to hold my Tommy again. Never be able to feel his strong arms around me, never feel the touch of his lips on my forehead, never feel his fingers tracing patterns on my arm.
I will never know what life could have been. I will never hear my heart beating, never feel it pounding so hard when he touches me. Never hear his sweet voice singing in my ear. Never see his quirky smile lighting up his face when I walk into the room.
I…feel…myself…drifting….drifting…into oblivion. “Goodbye, my love, I will watch over you and keep you safe. Remember I love you.”
I kiss his cheek one last time. He has a look of wonder on his face. He feels his cheek with his hand and starts to cry again. “Goodbye my Tommy, goodbye. I will wait for you in heaven.”
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Bill
Bill
My life is twirling like a dervish
my mind in so much turmoil
my heart is stuck in rewind
and my anger's at a boil.
You wanted me to love you
and I did the best I could
but I didn't want to love you
even though you were so good.
You chased me and you chased me
till I got so gawd damn scared
that I'd fall for you in seconds
although I prayed I would be spared.
From hurting you too deeply
and tearing your heart in two
or maybe causing other strifes
I seem to be good at that too.
I know I'm sorry means nothing
and I know it never will
so please find someone better
please find someone Bill.
My life is twirling like a dervish
my mind in so much turmoil
my heart is stuck in rewind
and my anger's at a boil.
You wanted me to love you
and I did the best I could
but I didn't want to love you
even though you were so good.
You chased me and you chased me
till I got so gawd damn scared
that I'd fall for you in seconds
although I prayed I would be spared.
From hurting you too deeply
and tearing your heart in two
or maybe causing other strifes
I seem to be good at that too.
I know I'm sorry means nothing
and I know it never will
so please find someone better
please find someone Bill.
Do You Believe In Magic? - Chapter 23
Sable's POV (continued)
This is one heck of a tight squeeze. Aron is so close to me I can almost get in his pocket. I'll turn so my back is to him. That's better now I don't have him staring me in the face. I'm going to peek out and see what's going on. Another minion of Zeernebooch. I can't see it well enough to know which one but it doesn't matter because I don't feel like facing any of his underlings. Aron is so close I can feel his breath on the back of my neck. If Rom wasn't here who knows what might happen. Thank the Goddess that we aren't alone.
Aron's POV
This is not going to work. I can smell the clean scent of her hair and I'm so close that I'm sure she can feel my need for her. She is the sexiest woman I've ever met. Sable, my love, nobody holds a candle to you. Go ahead, Aron, say it and you'll probably end up squashed like a bug by both Rom and Sable. I have to move onto my stomach or she's going to know what I'm thinking really soon. Damn, there isn't enough room. Okay, think sad thoughts. There that's better. I wish I could rearrange myself but like I said, no room. The, whatever it is this time, is making a lot of noise out there. It probably has our scent but can't quite place where it's coming from. I can see its feet through the hole we crawled in to. We are all holding our breath now. It sounds like its moving away, good it’s given up on us.
Sable’s POV
It’s time to get out of this spot and out of this cave. I crawl out and Aron and Rom follow me. We look all around and can’t see anything so we hurry to get out of there before something else appears. “Okay, it’s time to find out how to get out of here and head for home. I suggest we search for the exit.”
Rom’s (POV)
“Sable, wait up. I know the way out. Follow me.” I lead them out of the cave and into the light. “Okay, we’re safe now. Time to head for home. Sable, I know you have questions for me but can we hold them until we get to the house please?”
“Okay, Rom but when we get there you will tell us everything, you hear me?”
Three very tired, dishevelled and dirty human beings arrived at the house in no time at all. I must say, it was great to see the old house again. Now, I really felt like I was home.
Willy’s POV
Someone’s on the porch and now the door is opening. Oh my Goddess, it’s Rom, Sable and Aron. “Rom, Rom, is it really you?” I said as I stared into his face. This couldn’t be happening, could it? He’s dead, isn’t he? And Sable and Aron are still here in the house so how can they be in front of me? I look over to the couch where Sable is lying and to my amazement she’s not there anymore. I suppose Aron won’t be where I put him either. Nope, I was right. “Okay, someone better start explaining soon or I think I’m going to go out of my mind.”
Sable’s POV
“Okay, I’ll start and then we can all hear Rom’s story. Aron and I had an out of body experience I believe, which seemed very real. The Goddess has such strong powers that I’m sure she had a hand in this and I’m assuming we were the ones chosen to bring Rom home.”
Rom’s POV
“Okay, now it’s time for me to explain what has been happening. Sable, you are right, you and Aron you were sent to bring me back. I was being held as a prisoner by Balban in that cave. He put me in a state of suspended animation that I couldn’t break free of. I needed you both to come and kill him so that I could get out of there.”
“Who did we bury?”
“Oh Sable, it was just a bunch of rocks. I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you but I was under the Evil One’s power. It feels like I’ve been sleeping for forever but I know it hasn’t been too long.”
“Anyway, I’m grateful that you pulled me out of the mess I was in. The Goddess let me know that this was going to happen, she just didn’t say when. It feels good to be awake again. I guess when you killed Balban that broke the spell that was on me. What’s been happening since I left?”
Willy’s POV
“What hasn’t happened while you’ve been away? Aron and Sable ended up passing out on me and I didn’t know what was happening to them until you all showed up. Brenin is getting much better. He and his family are out in one of the outbuildings. Let’s go see them. Brenin will be thrilled to see you all.”
I can’t believe how this is turning out. What more is going to happen? We better stay together if we’re going to fight the Darkness and the Evil One and his minions. I’m just so glad that we’re all together again. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?
This is one heck of a tight squeeze. Aron is so close to me I can almost get in his pocket. I'll turn so my back is to him. That's better now I don't have him staring me in the face. I'm going to peek out and see what's going on. Another minion of Zeernebooch. I can't see it well enough to know which one but it doesn't matter because I don't feel like facing any of his underlings. Aron is so close I can feel his breath on the back of my neck. If Rom wasn't here who knows what might happen. Thank the Goddess that we aren't alone.
Aron's POV
This is not going to work. I can smell the clean scent of her hair and I'm so close that I'm sure she can feel my need for her. She is the sexiest woman I've ever met. Sable, my love, nobody holds a candle to you. Go ahead, Aron, say it and you'll probably end up squashed like a bug by both Rom and Sable. I have to move onto my stomach or she's going to know what I'm thinking really soon. Damn, there isn't enough room. Okay, think sad thoughts. There that's better. I wish I could rearrange myself but like I said, no room. The, whatever it is this time, is making a lot of noise out there. It probably has our scent but can't quite place where it's coming from. I can see its feet through the hole we crawled in to. We are all holding our breath now. It sounds like its moving away, good it’s given up on us.
Sable’s POV
It’s time to get out of this spot and out of this cave. I crawl out and Aron and Rom follow me. We look all around and can’t see anything so we hurry to get out of there before something else appears. “Okay, it’s time to find out how to get out of here and head for home. I suggest we search for the exit.”
Rom’s (POV)
“Sable, wait up. I know the way out. Follow me.” I lead them out of the cave and into the light. “Okay, we’re safe now. Time to head for home. Sable, I know you have questions for me but can we hold them until we get to the house please?”
“Okay, Rom but when we get there you will tell us everything, you hear me?”
Three very tired, dishevelled and dirty human beings arrived at the house in no time at all. I must say, it was great to see the old house again. Now, I really felt like I was home.
Willy’s POV
Someone’s on the porch and now the door is opening. Oh my Goddess, it’s Rom, Sable and Aron. “Rom, Rom, is it really you?” I said as I stared into his face. This couldn’t be happening, could it? He’s dead, isn’t he? And Sable and Aron are still here in the house so how can they be in front of me? I look over to the couch where Sable is lying and to my amazement she’s not there anymore. I suppose Aron won’t be where I put him either. Nope, I was right. “Okay, someone better start explaining soon or I think I’m going to go out of my mind.”
Sable’s POV
“Okay, I’ll start and then we can all hear Rom’s story. Aron and I had an out of body experience I believe, which seemed very real. The Goddess has such strong powers that I’m sure she had a hand in this and I’m assuming we were the ones chosen to bring Rom home.”
Rom’s POV
“Okay, now it’s time for me to explain what has been happening. Sable, you are right, you and Aron you were sent to bring me back. I was being held as a prisoner by Balban in that cave. He put me in a state of suspended animation that I couldn’t break free of. I needed you both to come and kill him so that I could get out of there.”
“Who did we bury?”
“Oh Sable, it was just a bunch of rocks. I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you but I was under the Evil One’s power. It feels like I’ve been sleeping for forever but I know it hasn’t been too long.”
“Anyway, I’m grateful that you pulled me out of the mess I was in. The Goddess let me know that this was going to happen, she just didn’t say when. It feels good to be awake again. I guess when you killed Balban that broke the spell that was on me. What’s been happening since I left?”
Willy’s POV
“What hasn’t happened while you’ve been away? Aron and Sable ended up passing out on me and I didn’t know what was happening to them until you all showed up. Brenin is getting much better. He and his family are out in one of the outbuildings. Let’s go see them. Brenin will be thrilled to see you all.”
I can’t believe how this is turning out. What more is going to happen? We better stay together if we’re going to fight the Darkness and the Evil One and his minions. I’m just so glad that we’re all together again. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Sunday, March 28, 2010
In Your Shadow
I walk through the blackness to the centre of the stage. I feel the crowd's energy pounding through my veins. "Bill, Bill, Bill." they chant in high-pitched shrieks. Their screams drown out everything around me until the next thing I know I am surrounded by my bandmates. The yells from the crowd appear to be getting louder and more shrill. Tokio Hotel, Tokio Hotel they yell. I can hear them but can't see them. The blackness seems complete. Mein Gott, that spotlight is blinding. I forgot to turn my head again. It happens every time. "Smirk Tom, go ahead." I say to my brother. I can hear Georg snickering to my left and good old Gustav had to do a drumroll. They always make fun of me when I got caught by that damn light.
I see Tom grab his guitar and thread the strap over his shoulder. He grabs his pick and he's ready to go. The screams are getting more deafening. Georg waits patiently for the opening number to begin as Gustav bangs his sticks together. One, two, three four.
I start singing.
I hate my life.
I can't sit still
for one more single day,
I've been here waiting,
for something to live and die for
Let's run and hide.
Out of touch
out of time,
Just get lost without a sign.
As long as you stay by my side
In your shadow I can shine..
In your shadow I can shine..
In your shadow I can shine..
Shine...
I get lost in this song. It's one of my favourite to perform. I love to just sit on the stage and gaze out at the fans while I'm singing. Then I get twitchy and I have to move. I can't sit still for too long. I have no patience. I have to wander the stage.
You see my soul,
I'm a nightmare,
out of control I'm crashin'
into the dark,
Into the room,
into the world,
of our cocoon.
You are the sun and
I am the moon.
In your shadow I can shine..
In your shadow I can shine..
In your shadow I can shine..
Shine..
The words can always get to me and I can see that it's getting to quite a few of the fans as well. As I turn the microphone in the direction they start singing the chorus. They feed my drive to succeed. They feed my need for gratification. They fill my need for approval. They fill my desire for exaltation. They pump my ego.
Dont let go!
Oh, no oh.
Don't you know
In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
Shine, shine, shine
In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
Shine, shine, shine
In your shadow I can shine..
They fill my soul with peace and joy. They lift me to the very heights of bliss and plummet me swiftly to the ground. They keep me humble (not) and thankful every day. They teach me to never take it for granted.
So every time we come out on a stage it is in honour of all of our many fans. The fans who have been with us from the start all those many years ago and the new fans who are just falling in love with our music for the first time. It makes me thankful for each and every one of these fans. They have stood by us through thick and thin, through sickness and health. Just like a marriage. They complete us and make us grateful that we can reach them in some small way.
They are our everything and it means everything to us that we have their love and support. They are our reason for being and our reason for being here. "Okay boys, let's give them the best damn show we can. Are you having a good time out there?"
I see Tom grab his guitar and thread the strap over his shoulder. He grabs his pick and he's ready to go. The screams are getting more deafening. Georg waits patiently for the opening number to begin as Gustav bangs his sticks together. One, two, three four.
I start singing.
I hate my life.
I can't sit still
for one more single day,
I've been here waiting,
for something to live and die for
Let's run and hide.
Out of touch
out of time,
Just get lost without a sign.
As long as you stay by my side
In your shadow I can shine..
In your shadow I can shine..
In your shadow I can shine..
Shine...
I get lost in this song. It's one of my favourite to perform. I love to just sit on the stage and gaze out at the fans while I'm singing. Then I get twitchy and I have to move. I can't sit still for too long. I have no patience. I have to wander the stage.
You see my soul,
I'm a nightmare,
out of control I'm crashin'
into the dark,
Into the room,
into the world,
of our cocoon.
You are the sun and
I am the moon.
In your shadow I can shine..
In your shadow I can shine..
In your shadow I can shine..
Shine..
The words can always get to me and I can see that it's getting to quite a few of the fans as well. As I turn the microphone in the direction they start singing the chorus. They feed my drive to succeed. They feed my need for gratification. They fill my need for approval. They fill my desire for exaltation. They pump my ego.
Dont let go!
Oh, no oh.
Don't you know
In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
Shine, shine, shine
In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
Shine, shine, shine
In your shadow I can shine..
They fill my soul with peace and joy. They lift me to the very heights of bliss and plummet me swiftly to the ground. They keep me humble (not) and thankful every day. They teach me to never take it for granted.
So every time we come out on a stage it is in honour of all of our many fans. The fans who have been with us from the start all those many years ago and the new fans who are just falling in love with our music for the first time. It makes me thankful for each and every one of these fans. They have stood by us through thick and thin, through sickness and health. Just like a marriage. They complete us and make us grateful that we can reach them in some small way.
They are our everything and it means everything to us that we have their love and support. They are our reason for being and our reason for being here. "Okay boys, let's give them the best damn show we can. Are you having a good time out there?"
You Are My All My Everything
That's exactly what you all are
My All and Everything in each and
Every way possible I don't know if
I could do it by myself because
The world is a lonely and scary
Place but with friends like
You and you and you and all
Of you I never have the chance
To feel alone anymore and for
That I thank you from the
Bottom of my heart and
The tips of my toes to the
Top of my head you will
Always have a special place
In my heart and in heaven
and on earth and everywhere
I am and ever will be always
Remember what you've done
And how you've all impacted
One life imagine this is just one
Life and you all affect so many
More than just me so they
Can't speak right now so I'll
Speak for all of us and just
Say thank you from the soul
Of my being.
My All and Everything in each and
Every way possible I don't know if
I could do it by myself because
The world is a lonely and scary
Place but with friends like
You and you and you and all
Of you I never have the chance
To feel alone anymore and for
That I thank you from the
Bottom of my heart and
The tips of my toes to the
Top of my head you will
Always have a special place
In my heart and in heaven
and on earth and everywhere
I am and ever will be always
Remember what you've done
And how you've all impacted
One life imagine this is just one
Life and you all affect so many
More than just me so they
Can't speak right now so I'll
Speak for all of us and just
Say thank you from the soul
Of my being.
Shattered
You were my all my everything my
whole life is like a bowl of cherries
But don't swallow the pit and the
Pendulum swings back and forth
Forth and back to the past is
What everybody wants or is it
Forward to the past is a rite
Of passage for anyone who is
Too stupid to care what happens
When someone is so shattered
By your disapproval that all
They want to do is cry and
Dance into the night
Mare and bad dreams of the
Future or maybe creep into
Your head and surround your
Thoughts with death and having
Noone to talk with or confide
In the room that I have in my
Heart shaped cookies were the
One thing you loved more than
Anything else except me you
Said but then you always
Lied I just never caught you
Until it was too late but your
Her problem now and I'm left
With only a bad taste in my
Mouth and thankfulness that
You left when you did before
I might have had to
Kill you.
whole life is like a bowl of cherries
But don't swallow the pit and the
Pendulum swings back and forth
Forth and back to the past is
What everybody wants or is it
Forward to the past is a rite
Of passage for anyone who is
Too stupid to care what happens
When someone is so shattered
By your disapproval that all
They want to do is cry and
Dance into the night
Mare and bad dreams of the
Future or maybe creep into
Your head and surround your
Thoughts with death and having
Noone to talk with or confide
In the room that I have in my
Heart shaped cookies were the
One thing you loved more than
Anything else except me you
Said but then you always
Lied I just never caught you
Until it was too late but your
Her problem now and I'm left
With only a bad taste in my
Mouth and thankfulness that
You left when you did before
I might have had to
Kill you.
Something Cheerful
You wanted me to write something
Cheerful and full of joy for all the
World to see and maybe laugh
At I wouldn't doubt that they
Would because that always
Happens to people who expect
Too much and believe in love
And life everlasting which of
Course I don't but that doesn't
Mean that I can't pretend to
Be something I'm not a real
Fake something I hate in
Anyone else but am willing to
Accept in myself too bad no
One else will ever make me
Feel anything ever again I
Guess I just can't write
Anything light and uplifting
Sorry.
Cheerful and full of joy for all the
World to see and maybe laugh
At I wouldn't doubt that they
Would because that always
Happens to people who expect
Too much and believe in love
And life everlasting which of
Course I don't but that doesn't
Mean that I can't pretend to
Be something I'm not a real
Fake something I hate in
Anyone else but am willing to
Accept in myself too bad no
One else will ever make me
Feel anything ever again I
Guess I just can't write
Anything light and uplifting
Sorry.
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